Abuse

Mental and emotional abuse. Verbally abused. I was verbally abused. For many years now, I had to go through such terrible period of time in my life where I will be verbally abused by my peers every single day.

Mean things were constantly said. They would become trapped in my head and my mind. I cant stop thinking about it. I would punish myself everyday. Agreeing to whatever taunts that has been thrown to my face. I was weak. I bent and broke down. Slowly, I accept everything that were said to me. Eventually, I even believed them.

Now, I am a much better person. I admit that I can now control myself. I do not simply punish myself for all the wrong things that has been said to me all the time like I always did. But, it is still something that I find very difficult to deal with.

I hate it when I would go to the extent of hurting my own relationships. It is not like I intend to do so. It is just that it has become some sort of a habit. How I would always undermine myself.

I'm ugly, I'm stupid, I'm incompetent, I'm not good enough and never will be.

Yes, these phrases has been trapped in my mind for years. Yes, it is bad for me.
But tell me, how do you let go and move on? How?

What do you have to do?
It is like it has been carved into my brain. I dont know how to stop.

I have tried several ways to forget about it.
It becomes really frustrating when no one actually understands me and how I actually feel.
It is heart breaking when the person I thought would understand me most, turns out to be the total opposite.

Sedih.

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